72 Great Things About Being Gay

I don’t know about the rest, but a lot of them are quite true. 😛

1. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
2. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
3. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and mean her bathing suit.
4. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
5. You’re the only type of male who gets to say “fabulous,”
6. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.
7. You can have naked men you don’t know in your home.
8. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
9. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
10. You understand why the good Lord didn’t intend everyone to wear it.
11. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
12. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
13. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.
14. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.
15. You’ve always got an opinion.
16. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
17. You know how to dress strategically.
18. You’re the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
19. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.
20. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
21. You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t actually an insult.
22. There’s a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
23. Nobody tells you what to do in bed…unless you tell them what to tell you.
24. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
25. You have at least one movie musical on video.
26. You’re embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
27. You’re not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
28. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
29. You know how to make an entrance.
30. You know when to make an exit.
31. You worry about people you don’t even know — like Liza Minnelli.
32. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
33. You know how to program your VCR.
34. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
35. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
36. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
37. You know when to play dumb.
38. You know what to do for a hangover.
39. Yes, you do have a condom.
40. You’ve called someone “girlfriend” who is neither a girl nor a friend.
41. You made Donna Summer a star.
42. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
43. Tanning salons were invented for you.
44. You’ve made sunbathing a performance art.
45. You know when the party’s over.
46. You know where to go after the party’s over.
47. You’re fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
48. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
49. You know that referring to someone as “a real lady” isn’t necessarily a compliment.
50. Your favorite dinner accessory is your dinner companion.
51. You know that the most important part of a party’s decor is the catering staff.
52. You’ll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
53. A two seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
54. You have a favorite Disney character and it’s usually a nasty one.
55. All your friends do not have to “get along”.
56. You have a large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
57. Your love handles are actually used as such.
58. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
59. You’ve got a large assortment of movie star biographies.
60.You’ve got the most interesting coffee table books.
61. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain’t in your kitchen drawer.
62. You have the only sexual persuasion with its own flag.
63. You know your enemies.
64. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he’s right there in the shower.
65. You know that “small talk” can be about spirituality or politics, and “important issues” can be about hair.
66. You’ve actually lived out some of your fantasies.
67. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
68. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
69. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are nonverbal.
70. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme’s song.
71. You can explain the subtle nuances between steady date, bofriend and lover.
72. You really have “been there, done that.”

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4 thoughts on “72 Great Things About Being Gay

  1. My gay friends are the best, I love hanging out with them. That’s because they’re most liberal and not judgmental. But I had a nightmare with two gay friends as well. One didn’t stop until (s)he got the guy I used to date:P

  2. i agree with ajay, my gay friends are really a blast to be with. liberal, non judgmental, uber creative and funny! the world will be a happier place if there were more gay people around! so there, come out come out whoever you are…

  3. hahaha, tumpak ka dyan kapatid! i was victimized by one din before, but he/she was the exception rather than the norm. i love bitchy gays…the same way i love hard to get men—the challenge, i go for that!

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